It's so weird. You would think that someone like me who went through all I did with doctors and cancer and everything would have no problem going for a routine checkup.Alas, such is not the case.
I had three separate doctor's visits in the last month and each was an ordeal. They were all regular not scary visits, just yearly checkups and normal scans and whatnot, but the planning and nerves that went into all that made it seem almost like I was taking chemo the next day.
Of course, blood tests don't scare me and once I'm in the examining room nothing bothers me anymore, it's just the bundle of nerves until I get there.
I wonder, am I crazy? Are there other survivors out there who also get pre doctor visits nerves? I don't slee the night before, cant eat in the morning, wake up early and stress big time.
Anyone out there? Or am I the only sane one???
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6 comments:
Good news. There is nothing wrong with a healthy (no pun intended) dose of concern.
If you weren't nervous, now that would be insane. You are a mother now so there is so much more reason to live long prosper (ai ai, Mr. Spock).
Ask G-d for help and as the Brits would say, keep a stiff upper lip. (I guess I should warn you though - you will end up speaking a little funny. Maybe that explains thier funny accents and why the Queen's face seems to have locked up that emotionless stare.)
Hang in there. Tomorrow is another day. (DUH! No, really???? You mean tomorrow is not today??? And to think someone won an Oscar for saying that! I wonder if can get one for saying 'large coffee, with cream and two Splendas please'?
Hatzlocha rabbah. May you enjoy that cute little thing biz hindred und tzvontzik yur. Thruthfully, though, once they learn how to talk (and start leaving the seat up) they ain't so cute anymore. That's why we keep having more of them. We're looking for the one that listens (and smells fresh)at 18 years like he did at 18 months.
Besides, what do the doctors know anyway? ;-)
I freak at the sight of blood and my veins are horrendous about cooperating for blood tests. As such I can relate to some of what you go thru.
Mikimi
I don't have the same reaction when I visit my oncologist, but then, my cancer was much less severe (thyroid).
Your reaction sounds normal to me, for what it is worth.
Gila
Of course!!!!!!!!! It doesn't matter if we're massive pros or not - it's still so so nervewracking beforehand! Once we're there already, then it's like, Ok, we can do this... but the anxiousness and thinking about it is a total killer that I think only intensifies with time. i remember my first post-cancer checkup - it was so not a big deal, because i knew i was "clean" and i was thrilled to be in the hospital for a checkup and nothing more. but as time goes on, it really gets hard. you described it perfectly, i can't either eat, sleep or anything! at one point i joked that it's better that i'm always tired by checkups, this way i am not fully aware of what is going on lol. anyways, JAP, we'll have to schmooze more - now that my computer is back up, we're back in business. :)
fellow survivor
your not crazy JAP. I went through a very hard ordeal a couple of years ago and till today I get the jitters at going to the doctor. I'm always scared that they will find something else wrong and my life will turn over again. It is a very natural feeling. I didn't go through what you did but it came pretty close so you're not alone.
Could you please please please please please please post again. I am slowly going insane from impatience. Yeah Yeah i know i should work on myself but that's not the point. I'm am getting down on my hands and knees and begging you to keep posting.
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