Saturday, January 26, 2008


Tonight is JB's birthday. My son is one year old. He just had his first big birthday party in where he was dressed in a brand new outfit, wore a hat, ate ice cream cake, pulled off his hat, mushed his cake into his outift, threw up on the floor and then mushed it all into the tiny fluff of hair he has.

He cried at the end of it when it was way past his bedtime, and then on coming home, refused to go to bed.

Now, in his favorite jammies, JB is on my lap, holding his helium balloons and watching me type my newest (long overdue) post.

I remember a year ago when I left my sister's wedding to meet my new baby. (Yes, she had her anniversary party tonight too!) He was so small and soft when I first held him, and I cried along with his first wail. He had just as little hair as he has now and we knew right away who he looked like and then changed our minds a thousand times until the bris and then a million times until today.

He's the baby that came after chemo, after all the worries, after the old chapter in my life; he is the new one. He's the baby that's my special miracle.

And then I look at my sister's baby. Her baby is just as small (okay, he's an 8 pounder, but you know...) just as soft, and cries much louder. (He also has more hair...) They also decided he looks just like his father, (but they aren't changing their minds about that a million times....) and you know what? He is no less a miracle than my son is.

So he wasn't born after cancer, and he was born to two baruch Hashem healthy parents almost a year to their wedding, and so he didn't come with all the worries. But just like JB, he comes with all the nachas, the joy, the excitement, and the sleepless nights.

I don't think my sister sees her son any differently than I see mine. Some people say I need to appreciate JB more than others need to for their kids, and while I see what they are saying, I don't agree. I don't think that JB came with more nissim than anyone else. I think that others need to see how even a regular, uncomplicated birth is just as special as mine.

Miracles are miracles and it doesn't matter when they happen or to whom they happen to or after what or why. I think the most important part of miracles are to realize that they happen even in the quietest of ways and that we need to keep our eyes open to find them and to be grateful.

For my JB who has just fallen asleep and is still holding tightly to his balloons, I wish him the best of everything always. I'm not good at giving brachos; I never know what to say, but I do know what I feel and I hope that JB gets everything I want for him and even more.

I know that JB is the one getting the presents tonight, but if he only knew that I get a bigger one every single day when I get to kiss him and hold him... You think he's young enough to feel jealous???


mikimi said...

I still want to eat him up!
your friend many miles away in Eretz Yisroel. M in Tz

psyched said...

Happy Birthday JB and a special mazel tov to your parents :) :) :)


Old Kvetch said...

Mazal Tov and may he be a source of nachas (not to mention dirty carpets and stained walls) for many years to come.
At this age they might be sooooo sweet you want to eat them up but trust me on this one, in fifteen years or so you'll wish you had!

All kidding aside, enjoy and cherish every minute with him. There is nothing better you can do for either one of you.

As I heard once from a very old poilisher yid - "life is like a glass of tea". (Please make sure to let me know if you ever find out what the heck that is supposed to mean. I'm clueless about this but it sure sounds better than "You know how much tuition is going to be by the time that kid gets to 1st grade?!")

J.A.P. said...

Yes, I think I know what "Life is a glass of tea" means-

first life seems to make a lot of "sense" and then you find out that you're up to your nose in "hot water"

I'm not sure how much better that is than the tuition thing.... LOL

J.A.P. said...

psyched, and a special mazal tov to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bas~Melech said...

Mazal tov!

You're absolutely right, every person is a miracle... sometimes, people who have more bumps along the road help others to realize how much could have gone wrong, and appreciate their miracle for what it is...

psyched said...

thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! :)

itsagift said...

Mazel tov on your yummy's b-day!! I got those adorable pix of the party and of your presh little cutie pie and couldn't believe he's already a year old!! I did the math and then remembered...yes, that's right! You came to me last yr on Purim with JB who was just 2 weeks old...and we were all marveling at what a miracle baby he is...but the truth is, like you wrote, each baby is a real miracle!
May he be zoche to grow up and bring loads of nachas and happiness to you, his special parents and may you have many more miracles in your life!!!
May he always appreciate what it means to be alive and healthy and may he grow up to be a big tzaddik!!

StillinShidduchim said...

Wow. What a beautiful post...what a beautiful thought. Mazel tov on your little miracle...may you have many more happy healthy birthdays together!

[Having a baby the night of your sister's wedding? Wow. That must've been an adventure :-) How much of the wedding did you manage to be at?]

halfshared said...

Happy birthday to your cutie! It's so true that every child is a pure miracle. If only everyone would realize that and appreciate each child. I know it's hard cuz it gets so overwhelming sometimes..but for people that are longing to have a child every can be really hard waiting for that miracle to happen. May you be zoche to loads of nachas and happiness from this gorgeous son always!

J.A.P. said...

Thank you everyone for all the good wishes!

Still in shidduchim- to answer your question, I cut it very neatly. I stayed through the dancing and then left right in time to miss the three hours of Mitzvah Tantz that would have been just like labor to sit trough anyway. :-)

Gila said...

Beautiful post! Mazal tov!


amazing said...

I am so so so excited that you posted again. I gave up on you a bit (sorry) and i didn't visit this site in forever but tonight I decided to check up on you and I was rewarded. Yay
You baby is so cute (don't listen to what that dumb lady in your previous post said. He is his one special JB flavor of cuteness. The best kind) and just continue posting please. Mazal tov