Purim in the Bronx (Zoo)

My kids dressed up as animals yesterday (JB was a kangaroo and HB was a bear) so this is the poem I wrote to hand out with our shalach manos...

Back in Shushan many years ago

Bee-gan the tail I now recall,

When Achashveirosh made a mishteh

For nobles, and pheasants, his subjects all.

He was proud as a peacock

Of the riches he possessed,

And he couldn’t wait to show off Vashti,

His deer queen to all the rest.

But Vashti was acting catty,

She couldn’t bear the way she looked.

The king got annoyed at her otter disrespect,

And decided her goose was cooked.

But then Achashveirosh was sheepish

When he realized he had caused a scene.

And so he sent out announcers throughout the streets,

“Hare ye! We’re looking for a new queen!”

Hagai was a man with a porpoise,

He was the cardinal royal beautician,

He was ticked when Esther ignored his help,

And heron in became a man with a mission.

But Esther didn’t need any of it,

People used to crane their necks when they spider.

The other girls got crabby and thought she was a cheetah,

But as queen, no one could fight her.

Of course her identity as a Jewish girl,

Was kept quiet at a mouse

The mystery was like an elephant in the room,

But the king still made her queen of the house.

Bigsan and Seresh planned to kill the monarch,

But by Mordechai were overheard

He stopped the sly foxes from using snake venom on the king,

And watched the traitors hung up with the birds.

The court squirreled out of Mordechai’s reward

Even though he was Esther’s relation,

Because Haman came in raven about a new plan,

And it created quite a sensation.

“Please don’t be chicken” he said to the king,
“Owl take care of it all, you know.

Just please let me kill all the Jews in your kingdom!”

And Achashveirosh said, “Llama lo?”

Mordechai told Esther about this fishy plan

And asked her to have something arranged.

She told the Yidden to fast for three days

And she’d see if the king’s tuna could be changed.

She went in to the king bone tired and thin,

Cowering with fear,

But he sent out his seal and nodded to her

And said he was ready to hare.

Esther ducked her head shyly and quietly asked,

If he’d come to her for a spell.

She’d serve lamb and turkey and other nice things.

And said Haman was invited as well.

That night dressed in her most beautiful boa

Esther asked the king if it was alright

If she hosted another party,

“Bear with me one more night.”

Later Haman went running back to Achashveirosh

Even though he was in pajamas and crocs,

His head was so abuzz with the plans that he had

He ran in and forgot to knock.

The king was sitting up in his own comfy mules,

He had a dilemur he was mooseing over you see.

He needed to honor Mordechai,

But Haman thought, “Whale, he must mean me!”

So though Haman plotted to kill the Tzaddik,

He ended up leading Mordechai’s horse instead.

He crowed to the streets about what a fine man he was.

And his own daughter dumped a pigsty on his head!

He wished he could bow out of Esther’s gathering that night,

His day had gone to the dogs anyway.

But he was told to furget that plan,

And hurry over to the palace without delay.

At the party Esther whaled on him,

By crying to the king about Haman the shark,

The king hawkishly sentenced him to death on the spot,

“Get him out of my sight!” He barked.

“I’m sorry I exposed him for lion and cheatin’”

Esther apologized as Haman and his family hung,

(Along his wife Zeresh and his son Dolphin,)

But the king said “Don’t worry about that skunk.”

We Jews are not Man o’ war,

But we won a battle then,

It was our victory over Amalek

We roared our thanks to Hashem.

Today its years and years later,

And we still don’t let anything bug us in this special time,

We carry our feathers in our caps.

Cos we’re proud of our heritage so fine!

Pigeon to make this the best Purim ever

By keeping happy but careful too,

Make sure to stay safe, act like mentchen, not chayos,

Even though Purim can feel like a zoo!

A Freilichen Purim!