Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Moved in! And Wondering...

You know what I find weird?

Well, lots of things.

But you know what struck me over the last couple of weeks as being strange?

How is it that some people face tremendous challenges with the powerful faith and strength that leave us all speechless, but then can break down when the hairdryer goes bust?

Over the last few months all I've been hearing is feedback about the book. I've heard it all- the good, the bad, the ugly. There are the people who think it's too sad, some that think it's too upbeat, and some that think it's just right.

But what I think everyone agrees with is that the route I took when I was ill was the best one for me. Maybe not for anyone else, but for me, yes.

And another thing most people like to embarrass me with is the part about me being soooo strong and blah di blah and how I had such amazing faith and blah more blah. I say blah, not because it's not nice to hear this, but because there is nothing to answer and because I know from where I get my strength and bitachon. I had lots of people helping me along the way and it was mostly them, not me, getting me through everything.

But ANYWAY. The point is, that whatever the case may be, I've been through the runaround. And not to brag or anything, but I would like to think I came out reasonably stable and okay from everything I have been through.

So what I couldn't wrap my head around last week was why after everything so far, what caused me to really break down in tears, and I mean really wracking, sobbing, cry your heart out tears, was when the locksmith I was using installed a broken buzzer into my new home and then wanted to charge me $200 to have it replaced- five days after he installed it when it never worked to begin with. When I insisted that it had never worked he got all huffy, called me a liar, took his tools and drove away without even saying good-bye or working it out.

And so I sat down on the stairs and bawled. So much so that my son came over to give me a kiss and his pacifier.

Of course, this is kind of a stupid embarrassing story to put on a blog, but I wonder- it seems so weird to me. I've seen this happen to other people and always thought it strange but now it happened to me too.

What makes us weird weird people tick? I wonder.

Anywho! I'm back!!! Any readers still around?

12 comments:

JOE L. said...

Really crazy how bad/crazy people could be it makes all of us wanna cry sometimes. Anyhow I wish you all the best in your new home. May you have only mazal, simchas etc etc in the new place.

The Babysitter said...

That's adorable that your kid gave you a kiss and his pacifier.

It's kinda like the straw that broke the camels back, could be that it was building up, and then one little thing got you upset, but really there were other stuff already there, so it wasn't just about the little thing.

I know that when people are not nice, it can get upsetting, so it might not be so weird to cry about that. Because you have self respect for yourself, you would expect others to respect you to, and when they are mean it can get upsetting.

o, and welcome back, enjoy your new home!

Anonymous said...

I am! :D

I have been checking DAILY!

Anon#1 said...

I agree with the babysitter, it was probably the straw that broke the camel's back. A move can be very stressful, especially with a baby. It's also something that you're in control of, whereas when you were sick, you had no control over what was going on, and had to lean back and take each day as it came.

Anyway, that's just my own thoughts on the topice. Hatzlacha in your new home! May you have only good times there.

Anonymous said...

still here checking daily!!

Juggling Frogs said...

Makes perfect sense to me.

Other people's kindness helped you get through cancer.

A locksmith who doesn't treat you with basic civility can turn a broken buzzer into a disaster.

It's perfectly consistent. How we treat each other is everything.

Freeda said...

I think that when somone's going thru something serious, they realize how all these little things don't really matter, I mean, they're annoying and all but in the big picture- thank God we're alive. But when that experience starts to fade, we fall back into our old way of thinking- and lose sight of that bigger picture

Inspired said...

I agree with Freeda.
Maybe it's easier sometimes to see yad Hashem in the big stuff, acknowledge it as a test over which we have no control.

itsagift said...

Are you sure it wasn't just your lenses??
lol...
I had the same experience yesterday, I think sometimes it's the straw that breaks the camels back (like some other bloggers wrote) or it's just when sooo much work goes into something and you work soooo hard and then all of a sudden, one little thing goes wrong, it just makes you cry...

Anonymous said...

im going through treatment right now- and i think its so true that when one is going thru a nisayon of health, bitachon is much easier because there is NO ONE to rely on- the doctors all say every outcome is diffrent and they dont know, everything depends on the individual etc. etc. etc.- so we feel so out of control- that we realize that we are always out of control! but some how when it comes to interactions bein adam lichaveiro- its hard to remember that its still Hashem "calling all the shots"- and that that person is a shaliach from Hashem no more or less than a machala, for whatever reason. but lmaasah we are all human, and are allowed to get overwhelmed...hatzlacha with settling in! thanks so much for your book- its given me alot of chizuk!

Ezzie said...

I was talking with a friend recently, and found it interesting how so many of us seem to be able to "rise to the occasion" when it's something big, but the little things are always so much more difficult...

Rivka said...

Ever heard of HORMONES?!?!? =)