tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post4169149713560201709..comments2023-05-11T09:55:44.182-04:00Comments on From the Experiences of a J.A.(C.)P.: An Ocean AwayJ.A.P.http://www.blogger.com/profile/02731016571917740228noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post-55283534834047032302007-10-29T16:55:00.000-04:002007-10-29T16:55:00.000-04:00Just want 2 wish you a HUGE refuah shelaima!! My h...Just want 2 wish you a HUGE refuah shelaima!! My heart goes out for you and I hope you have the strength to go through it all! May Hashem be with you always and may you always feel CLOSE to him! If you want to give out your tehillim name, I will definitely daven for you and have you in mind...because after all, what more can I do to show I care?!itsagifthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06942149774297914315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post-65656938895797206502007-10-28T20:09:00.000-04:002007-10-28T20:09:00.000-04:00Bas Melech. i understand that you want to do somet...Bas Melech. i understand that you want to do something. i commend you for your honesty,though. yes i commend and appreciate it- that you realize- excuse the wording "merely" an acquaintance. you are honest with your relationship. and so maybe all you can do at this time is just to send a card. or better yet, have your friend in mind in your tefillos.( that's all that anyone can do really...) but honestly being that i'm in the situation... people who never said "boo" to me are now calling me, some of them are oblivious to that fact that they never said a word to me before i got sick. yes, i understand the concern but the honesty and sincerity mean more to me at this point that you realize that you are an (sorry for the rubbing in-)acquaintance. yes so if you are the minority that is honest- then maybe yes keep your distance,have your friend in mind or the most...send the card! ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post-64637491010632687352007-10-24T21:11:00.000-04:002007-10-24T21:11:00.000-04:00Please say tehillim for Yosef Dovid ben Sima - A f...Please say tehillim for Yosef Dovid ben Sima - A friend's 16 year old brother who was just diagnosed with Lymphoma.Miss Teacherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11333195534340484414noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post-44109725530875424912007-10-22T11:08:00.000-04:002007-10-22T11:08:00.000-04:00Anon, DON'T TAKE HER WORDS SO SERIOUSLY! All of us...Anon, DON'T TAKE HER WORDS SO SERIOUSLY! All of us are recipients of chessed in one form or another! A person does not have to be sick with cancer to understand...Did anyone ever come to be mevaker choleh you the WRONG WAY?! Did anyone ever call/come visit when you weren't up to it?! It could be you were just sick with a bad cold or a virus and you are NOT in the mood of company or phone calls...It doesn't take much to TRY to understand things from the point of view of a sick person, just put yourself in the situation for a minute! Chas v'shalom, I'm not hoping for you or anyone to be sick, I'm just saying that we have all been sick in one way or another with (hopefully) the least severe of sicknesses and we should try to be as understanding as possible to other people who are sick (by remembering the last time we were sick) and be extra careful and sensitive to what they need!itsagifthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06942149774297914315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post-45449998010314205552007-10-21T05:44:00.000-04:002007-10-21T05:44:00.000-04:00You wrote: "I just wish more people would know wh...You wrote: "I just wish more people would know what it's like from the other point of view, from the side receiving the chessed."<BR/><BR/>I know you didn't mean that the way I interpreted it but how about if you change that to "I just wish more people would try to understand what it's like...." Unfortunately, too many people know what it's like to be on the receiving end and I wish that nobody would have to know!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post-20691286772337902942007-10-18T22:39:00.000-04:002007-10-18T22:39:00.000-04:00Okay Bas Melech and anon 2, I hate doing this beca...Okay Bas Melech and anon 2, I hate doing this because I'll have a million sick patients disagreeing with me, but I'll tell you what my idea of the "right" chessed was in my situation:<BR/><BR/>Next Post. When JB's top two teeth make their full appearance... they started poking out this morning!<BR/><BR/>As soon as he lets me sleep thru one night we'll post...:PJ.A.P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02731016571917740228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post-27090114850590554112007-10-17T23:57:00.000-04:002007-10-17T23:57:00.000-04:001st anon and chchick, I can hardly believe people ...1st anon and chchick, I can hardly believe people actually did that! They didn't even bother trying to be subtle about it? I mean, I don't consider myself the most sensitive, tactful person, but this is beyond chutzpah... I wonder what they were thinking. I really wonder.<BR/><BR/>JAP -- I'm with anon2. Even after reading your whole blog, I'm left with a pretty clear sense of what not to do, but little advice on how to actually express our genuine caring. Basically, the impression I got is that if you were never really tight with the patient, stay far away. I understand that intrusive outsiders are a pain in the neck, but is there truly nothing that a concerned acquaintance, neighbor, or casual friend can do? Are you saying that the best reaction is to just stay out of the picture entirely?Bas~Melechhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01511197551248863790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post-76925870151360577832007-10-17T17:43:00.000-04:002007-10-17T17:43:00.000-04:00Anonymous. I wrote that I didn't want to go into w...Anonymous. I wrote that I didn't want to go into what people SHOULD do because it would be a repeat of the entire blog. <BR/><BR/>Its also hard to say what someone should do because each patient has individual needs. <BR/><BR/>I would say that the DON'Ts are the same no matter who the patient is, but with each situation you need to observe and listen and understand and maybe talk to close family members who can advise you on the best action to take.J.A.P.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02731016571917740228noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post-77400354123127802202007-10-17T11:35:00.000-04:002007-10-17T11:35:00.000-04:00i was disappointed in this post, because other tha...i was disappointed in this post, because other than "send a card", although you told me what NOT to do, you didn't really say what I SHOULD do. It sounds like even calling to ask "what can I do?" is wrong. So... please enlighten those of us who mean well... what CAN we do? I realize that each person deals with their illness differently and what is right for one person according to their perception might be wrong for another. But surely there are some positive actions besides sending a card that can apply to a larger audience of people going through a serious illness.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post-75779425120229264192007-10-16T12:39:00.001-04:002007-10-16T12:39:00.001-04:00Wow. Thank you for helping all of us that have not...Wow. Thank you for helping all of us that have not gone through cancer. It is very hard to know what to do and what not to do. You are the ones that know it best so I really appreciate that you took the time to explain your side of the story. My motto is "when in doubt, leave out". May you be zoche to good health and happiness until 120!halfsharedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08897983346646333294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post-76798803663829104042007-10-16T12:39:00.000-04:002007-10-16T12:39:00.000-04:00This reminds me of a call I got from someone who I...This reminds me of a call I got from someone who I consider a friend. She was in a Masters program for speech therapy and needed some letters of recommendation, not sure exactly for what. She wanted to know if I could write a letter for her stating how much help she was to me in my time of need, and how much her intervention helped to ease the pain and struggle...Fuhgeddaboutit!!!!!!!!!!<BR/>What is she kidding????? a. I spoke to her on the phone only one time during the whole ordeal. b. I didn't need her help, I didn't ask for it, she didn't offer it, it was just a conversation to touch base after a couple of months of no communication. c. are sick people meant to be guinea pigs for people to use at their convenience? Have we no feelings? Anyway, I told her that I don't particularly like to write and besides I have no time. I hope she understood that I felt that her suggestion was a total violation of my feelings, privacy...<BR/><BR/>I myself have two neighbors who are currently dealing with grown children suffering from difficult cancers and I am at a loss of what to say to them. I feel that to say anything to them is a breach of their privacy. I find it unbelievable that having gone through the same experience that I am still helpless in the face of it. I think that the best one can do is to pick up a phone and offer physical, hands on help, with food, babysitting, shopping, errands or whatever. If they need it they will accept the offer and you will have done a real chessed. I know that a couple of times I accepted offers of help when I thought I could juggle on my own, because I saw that it made the person offering happy to see that they were of some use to me. In general I tried to manage on my own, as who wants to be seen as an object of pity and need?chchickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05527049307499856338noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21660195.post-58986931176671244082007-10-16T10:35:00.000-04:002007-10-16T10:35:00.000-04:00THANK YOU SO MUCH for this post! As a recent cance...THANK YOU SO MUCH for this post! As a recent cancer patient myself I cannot begin to tell you how much your words really ring true! Yes, we really do appreciate everyone who tries to partake and help us through our ordeals. Yet, there is a lot of insincerity involved. You want to get into Camp Simcha? Become my best friend! You could even discuss me on your interview! Now that's "pull!" I've gotten more than one phonecall from girls applying to Simcha asking me details about myself to write in the application essay! You might think we're blowing things out of proportion, but it happens all the time, and we can sense it. No one turned us into little nebbachs who can't chap things suddenly! If anything, our "antennae" or even more alert and reactive to fakers. And even if the person isn't faking, as it's hard to imagine that there are so many facade-people out there, the least one can do is learn tact. It sounds obvious, but just put yourself into our shoes!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com